The Legendary Pokemon Council
by STaR Productions
Summary: This group of Legendary Pokemon have been kept secret from the public, and now documented proof of their existence is finally released by Nintendo. For they, the Pokemon Council, are the ones who say which games are released, and which are not.
1. Chapter 1

**T: Hello! This is our newest story, it's going to be done by all three of us: T, S and R. We each write our own chapters for this. I started it off and did the first two.**

**Disclaimer: We don't own Pokemon or any other of Nintendo's games or anything else we mention or make a reference.**

**T: Anyway, enjoy!!**

* * *

In a mountain far away from the eyes of humans, which happened to be near a village, there lived several great Pokémon of legend; they were called the legendary Pokémon, obviously.

They had established a court room embedded in the very rock, they held seats large enough for the occupants to sit comfortably. They would usually converse about several things, mainly discussing Nintendo's latest Pokémon games and the events that could happen. They were the true rulers of the Nintendo Empire; nothing would be authorised for launch without their wise decisions.

The head of this court was the legendary Pokémon Mewtwo, he was elected leader due to his vast wisdom and physic powers. He was the one who would receive Nintendo's newest game plans and run them through with the other legendaries.

Today they would be discussing about the newest Pokémon game that Nintendo was intending for release.

"Members of the council, welcome. As some of you might know, there have been numerous rumours of a new Pokémon game due for release. Now it's our turn to judge the storyline and gameplay." Mewtwo said from the podium he stood behind. He could see all the fellow members of the court.

"I have a question." Zapdos replied flapping his wings a bit.

"Yes Zapdos, what is it?"

"Is this next game going to be about me and my truly amazing magnificence?" Zapdos was now wearing a smirk whilst puffing out his chest.

"NO! It is not!! It's an intriguing storyline of friendship, team work, love and -"

"OH MY GOD!! CANCEL THE GAME AND SEND IT TO A FIERY MOUNTAIN!!" Moltres yelled while flapping his wings which burned with an eternal flame.

"Moltres, you never like a game unless it has violence galore, tons of naked young women and a bazillion load of guns." Lugia replied with a stern look towards Moltres.

"But that's what video games embody. Carnage, death and sex!!" Moltres now had a grin plastered on his face.

"If videogames don't have me in them they are obviously crap and deserve to be thrown into the 'crap pile'." Zapdos had maintained his grin and puffed chest still.

"ORDER!!" Mewtwo yelled slamming his hand on the desk.

"What exactly is the game called?" Ho-Oh now had spoken, which was rare.

"Pokémon: Crystallised Silver Yellow leaf Pearl Poo version." Mewtwo had read the title of the game.

"Ha-ha! That's a good name." Articuno spoke with a smile on his face.

All the council members now looked at Articuno with worried expressions; Zapdos was still maintaining his smirk and puffed out chest while giving a worried look.

"..." The council members were awfully silent.

"I'll...just shut up now." Articuno was now hugging himself with his wings with a sad expression.

"...Okay getting back to the matter at hand..." Mewtwo was cut off by the doors opening, it lead from the council room to the main lobby where biscuits and orange juice were on afterwards. In the doorway stood Mew, in all his/her cuteness as it called.

"Mew, Mew Meeewww." Mew had never taken English classes at school; instead he/she took 'classes to become cute but thick'.

"Ah Mew, about time you came back. Where have you been?" Mewtwo asked his original with his arms crossed.

"Mew, Mew, Mew. HEHEHEHE!!" Mew started laughing with its hand covering its mouth.

"YOU DID WHAT TO MY PUPPY!!"Mewtwo's eyes were now glowing a bright blue.

"MEW!" Mew said this while sticking up what looked like its smaller finger.

"Is it holding up its finger or is it just me?" Moltres asked to no one in particular, it was that hard to see Mew's fingers.

"Let me have a look." Entei had now put on his posh British hat and monocle and leapt from his seat to examine if Mew was indeed swearing.

After several minutes of Entei examining Mew's finger he was able to confirm what the Pokémon was doing.

"He is indeed pointing his middle finger at you Mewtwo." Entei said in his posh British accent.

"RRGH! THAT'S IT MEW! IT'S TIME FOR YOU TO -" Mewtwo said before he turned his attention to one of the council members.

Raikou was leaning back in his chair with a scared look as he was observing Suicune cleaning himself as a dog would.

"..." Raikou was horrified at what he saw; he had never seen anything like it.

"Suicune, stop licking yourself like a dog." Mewtwo had now turned to Suicune with a slightly scared face.

Suicune had stopped licking himself and saw that everyone was looking at him.

"NEVER! I shall continue to lick myself until I am clean!" Suicune after yelling this had returned to licking himself faster than both the speed of sound and light.

"Permission to zap Suicune?" Zapdos was now brimming with thunder all across his body.

"Yes, gladly." Mewtwo was going to enjoy seeing the marvels of thunder on a water type.

"THUNDER!!" Zapdos yelled before shooting a lighting bolt into the sky. It the proceeded to hit Suicune in his private resulting in a loud yell.

"Well now that Suicune has been calmed can we _please _return to the matter at hand?" Mewtwo was still holding the new Pokémon game in his hand.

"Oh yeah, so what do you do in this game?" Lugia asked Mewtwo.

"Well, you choose from a starter Pokémon and go on a quest to capture _**all **_the Pokémon." Mewtwo said reading from the description sheet from Nintendo.

"Let me guess, the starter Pokémon is a fire type, water type and grass type again?" Moltres at first didn't mind the idea of this, but after all the newer games, he started to doubt.

"No actually Moltres, they have invented new types." Mewtwo said with slight interest as he continued to read the information sheet.

"Really? What are they?" Articuno was interested as well.

"They are the Ultimate type which can defeat every single type of Pokémon and learns every move in the game even HM's, the pathetic type which is just pathetic; it learns no moves at all, and then there's the slightly not physic type which uses a combination of physic moves and fighting moves."

Everyone had gone silent, these new types sounded promising and maybe the game's 'storyline' would be better.

"Question, do you have to go around and fight gym leaders and the elite four, stop team rocket on the way and prove that you're the ultimate Pokémon trainer?" Entei had returned to his seat now.

"Um, yes," Mewtwo said rather quickly.

The council were silent for a while before they spoke again. The game's fate would now be decided here and now, would it rest with the Pokémon games and be know as the best version, or will it join the 'Crap pile' as Zapdos had called it. The 'Crap pile' consisted of various game titles that would either endanger Nintendo to copyright infringement and be sued or just sounded like plain old rubbish. The 'Crap pile' had games such as 'The legend of Zelda: Link learns to talk!', 'Pokémon: gotta kill em all!' and the infamous 'Mario the Pimp!!'.

After an hour of pondering the council made a decision.

"I say go ahead with it. Sounds promising."

"Yes, yes. Indeed it will be good."

"...It will please the fans."

"It will be brilliant with me in it!!"

Just as Mewtwo was about to announce the game's birth, Mew flew down from its seat and grabbed the piece of paper with all the details on about the game.

"...MEW! MEW, MEEEEWWWWW!!" Mew sounded alarmed and angered.

"What is it Mew?" Ho-Oh asked with curiosity.

"MMMMMMEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEWWWWWWWWWWWW!!" Mew yelled loud enough for everyone to hear.

"GASP!" All of the council member's eyes had almost popped out of their sockets, poor Articuno had fainted from the news, and his foot was twitching. Suicune had also bitten his own privates from the shock of this.

"WHAT!? WHAT DO YOU MEAN, WE AREN'T IN IT!!" Moltres was now fully covered in flames; the only thing that could be seen was his eyes and a bit of his body.

"MEW! MEEEWW!" Mew had used the uber rare move, 'copy' and made several copies of the document and gave each of the members a copy of it.

"...Mew's right! It says there are no legendary Pokémon, no new ones or anything." Lugia looked outraged at this.

"WHAT!? NO ME!? _**How dare they!!" **_Zapdos was now extremely pissed off at the fact he wouldn't be returning.

"Then there's only one place for this **thing **to be. The 'Crap pile'!!" Mewtwo had pressed a button on the podium that opened the council room floor; it revealed a huge fiery pit where millions upon millions of crap games dwelled.

The council members then began to chant the words 'To the Crap Pile' over and over again. Mewtwo using his physic powers, levitated over the pit with the prototype of the game. He was wearing a dark robe now, the same robe he always wore before he casted blaspheming games into the fiery depths of Mount Doom.

"_We cast this diabolical game to the 'Crap Pile'. Let it forever writhe in eternal anguish and despair. May it feel the sorrow of being crap. __**LET IT BURN IN THE FIRES OF HELL FOR ALL ETERNITY!!"**_

Mewtwo then dropped the game into the fiery depths, all that could be heard other than the dark chanting from the council members was the game screaming as it fell into the pit of Crapiness.

"NNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" Was the games last words before joining others of it's kind.

Mewtwo then sealed the pit off, encase any of the games attempted to escape. Silence was followed as the council had prevented Nintendo from suffering the same fate as various other game companies.

"Well, who wants orange juice and biscuits?" Mewtwo said with a smile on his face.

"YAY!" Was the councils reply. They had done a good deed this day, but more will come. Games that would ruin their reputation and the mighty Nintendo Empire, and it was their job to prevent this.

* * *

**S: What, you were expecting T to comment? Nah. He had to go, so I'm here instead. **

**(The audience goes "Awww!")**

**S: SHUT UP!**


	2. Chapter 2

**T: Welcome back, this is chapter 2 of this crazy story. I hope you are enjoying.**

**T: I wrote this chapter. Enjoy.  
**

* * *

Today the council members were relaxing, Nintendo was in the midst of creating _another _Mario game, and they had told the council it would involve Mario using a real weapon instead of water packs.

Mewtwo was relaxing at the 60ft long swimming pool they had installed outside of the mountain for a great view and for some sun tan. Mewtwo was reading an Official Nintendo magazine talking about new games for the Wii and DS, on the front of the cover was a picture of Nintendo's old rival, Sonic the Hedgehog and next to him was picture of what looked like a monster. It resembled Sonic in a few ways, but was hairier.

"Sonic Unleashed, eh. Hmph, I didn't know Sega's mascot was let out of its cage." Mewtwo couldn't help but grin when the Nintendo Empire captured Sega's mascot to prevent them from winning the Mario and Sonic war.

"Morning Mewtwo. Lovely day isn't it?" Articuno had flew by with a towel under his arm.

"Yes indeed Articuno, you intending to get a sun tan?"Mewtwo was curious at Articuno's actions.

"Yes. I want to look my best." Articuno then sat on one of the chairs, applied sun tan lotion on and put a pair of Matrix looking sunglasses on. He happily hummed the Pokémon theme for five minutes before bursting into flames.

"AAAHHH! IM BURNING! OH MY GOD!!" Articuno then began to run around the pool in circles. Mewtwo couldn't help but laugh at Articuno's idiocy; he didn't understand why a ice Pokémon would go for a sun tan.

As the day went on more and more of the members appeared, the legendary dogs were swimming in the pool, par Raikou being a thunder Pokémon. Articuno was eventually saved from being burned to a crisp by Moltres using his Fire Blast move on Articuno. Mew came by with lots of cold refreshing drinks.

"Come on Moltres! You can do it!" Articuno was in the pool edging his fiery friend to try and swim.

"I'm a FIRE Pokémon, not a WATER! The water will ruin my beautiful feathers!" Moltres was wearing rubber ring around his body encase he went in the water.

"It won't hurt, it's just water." Articuno was trying his best to get Moltres to swim.

"Um, maybe I will...go check on the barbecue or maybe -" Moltres was cut off by Mew pushing him in the pool.

"MEW! HAHAHAHA!!" Mew started one his mad laughing sprees.

"OH MY GOD!! IM DROWING!! HELP ME!!" Moltres was panicking as the water was taking him.

"Um Moltres. This is incredibly short end of the pool." Articuno pointed out. Moltres looked down to see only his feet in the pool, he was perfectly fine.

Then in the sky, the clouds darkened and began to crackle with lighting. Where one would expect to hear a roar, only a voice could be heard.

"OH YEAH! HERE I COME LOSERS AND INPOPULARS!!" The legendaries then all looked into the sky to see none other than Zapdos plummeting towards the pool. He was making various plane noises.

Zapdos then crashed into the pool with such force that not only did he make a big splash, but since he was brimming with thunderous energy, his impact with water resulted in everyone getting electrified.

"OOOWWWW!!" Moltres and Articuno had assumed the cartoon style 'being electrocuted' look. Their wings and legs were in all sorts of odd positions. The legendary dogs were all making dog whimpering sounds.

"This doesn't hurt at all!!" Zapdos was grinning and making similar poses like Moltres and Articuno.

Mewtwo was just watching his fellow legendaries being electrocuted. Then a Pelipper appeared with a letter in its beak.

"I have a letter for a Mr Lugia." Then as his name was mentioned, Lugia appeared in a whirlwind made out of water, all the other legendaries were being flung around in the whirlpool.

"A letter?" Lugia looked overjoyed at the sound of letter.

Lugia snatched the letter from Pelipper and then ate the bird shortly afterwards. Then using his hand like features on his wings, he opened the letter. Lugia looked over the letter before jumping in the air.

"YES!! I HAVE BEEN ASKED TO STAR IN A FILM!!" At hearing this Mewtwo spat out his drink on poor Mew.

"YOU HAVE A MOVIE!!" Mewtwo was furious at the fact another Pokémon movie was made. Nintendo swore they would only make one, and they never asked him to star in it.

"YEAH! They're calling it "Pokémon the movie 2000. Cool!" Lugia had a grin covering most of his face.

Mewtwo was stunned, he thought it would only be called "Pokémon the movie 2: Lugia's movie" but it was instead 2000. He was angered at the thought of Nintendo had made 2000 movies and only one of them had him in.

"Cool you got a movie?" Articuno managed to drag himself out of the pool while Moltres was busy strangling Zapdos in a Simpsons sort of way.

"Yeah it's gonna be great!" Lugia was thrilled so much he didn't see Mewtwo slowly assembling a giant laser cannon.

"Cool, at last they're using someone else other than Pikachu and that brat Ash." Raikou was glad that there was finally a _new _Pokémon movie.

"Yeah all those Pikachu movies, 'Pikachu and the Lost ark', 'Pikachu, the fellowship of the Caterpie' and the epic 'Pokémon of the Caribbean: Captain Pika'."

Mewtwo was now growing angrier by the second, he couldn't believe the amount of Pikachu movies there have been.

"I have a plan." Suicune had used a Max Potion to recover his health.

"Oh? What is it?" Mewtwo was interested.

"How about we make sure that there will be no more Pikachu movies?" Suicune had developed a grin on his face and Mewtwo assumed the evil villain pose.

"Yes. YES! We shall do this. Pikachu, heed my warning. The wrath of Mewtwo will soon be upon you!" The camera zoomed in on Mewtwo's eyes as they started to glow blue.

* * *

Meanwhile on the other side of the country, there lived a small yellow mouse named Pikachu. This Pikachu was different from others of its kind, this was _the _famous Pikachu that had stared in the Pokémon cartoon/anime series and had been 1,998 Pokémon films.

Pikachu was busy cleaning his shelves that held his billions of trophies he had won from his movies. The most common was 'best film on Earth!', 'The best family film' and the extremely rare 'THE COMPLETE CANNOT BE SURPASSED UBER MINT FILM OF THE UNIVERSE!!' award.

Pikachu was admiring his trophies when he heard a ring at the door; he looked towards the direction of the door and walked over to it. He then opened the door with a smile, expecting fans and friends.

"Pika-" A brown bag had been thrown over Pikachu and lifted onto the shoulder of the kidnapper.

"HAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAA!! AT LAST! NOW ONWARDS MY NOBLE STEED!!" Mewtwo was holding the bag over his right shoulder with a huge grin that would earn its way into the Guinness book of records. He sat upon Suicune who too had a grin on his face.

They then shot off leaving a 'poof' cloud behind them. They rode for several days, through towns, cities, caves and Hyrule temple, stopping by to kidnap Zelda along the way in the same fashion.

Then after a long journey, they had come to their intended destination: the sky pillar. Mewtwo and Suicune climbed up the vast tower, avoiding traps and other deadly things. They came to the top floor, where all you could see was the world below, the perfect place to chuck Pikachu and Zelda to their deaths.

"So long Pikachu!" Mewtwo said before erupting in a mad villain laugh and throwing Pikachu down to his imminent demise.

On the way down Pikachu managed to climb out of the sack and as he fell, his fingers bristled with thunder before he yelled.

"NNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" Pikachu slowly became a small dot until he erupted in an explosion that could be seen from 10,000,000,000,000 light years away. It also looked like a perfect rip-off of the emperor from Star Wars Episode 6.

Mewtwo and Suicune looked over the edge of the tower as they saw the lightning dance in the sky; they maintained their grins from when they captured Pikachu.

"Now for Zelda." Mewtwo had picked up the bag containing Zelda in and was ready to throw her to her death.

"THIS IS FOR BEING A CRAP SHOT ON TWILIGHT PRINCESS!!" Mewtwo exclaimed before throwing Zelda to her death. The world was made a better place today, the end of Pikachu and Zelda would be remembered till the end of time.

As for Mewtwo and Suicune, the heroes rode off into the sunset to retell the events to their fellow council members.

* * *

**T: There it is, hope it was good.**

**S: I'm going to be writing the next chapter! Yay!**

**R: I shall write the one after that and it will be far superior compared to these lowly mortals!**

**T: HEY! GET BACK IN YOUR CAGES!!**


	3. Chapter 3

**S: I have finally got my ass in gear and wrote this chapter! Yay for me! Please, enjoy my rubbish sense of humour!**

* * *

It was yet another day at the Legendary Pokémon Council. They were all busy reclining in the council chamber; that is to say, they were snoring their lazy asses off having nothing to do and too much time to do it in.

Mewtwo was floating a few inches off the floor, rising and lowering in time with his breathing. The legendary birds had managed to procure trees from somewhere to stereotypically roost in. Entei had his paws in the air, chasing down his enemies in his dreams with usual English tact.

"…What ho!… old bean…"

Suddenly he jerked, throwing his monocle from his face to shatter on the floor. He was awake instantly.

"Why! That blighter had a 12-bore! How terribly unsporting! What the…?"

His eyes had found his smashed monocle.

"NOOOOOOOOO!!"

Entei, in his anguish, set Moltres on fire. This did not have any effect. Obviously.

The four-legged English Pokémon blinked, then calmly re-adjusted his aim, and yelled again.

"NOOOOOOOOO!!"

Entei, in his anguish, set Articuno on fire.

"AAAAHHH OH MY GOD AAAHHHHH I'M BURNING AAAHHHH!!"

The other council members snorted and woke up.

"What's going on?" screamed Mewtwo in his best 'evil Pokémon trying to take over the world in an anime movie' voice.

"AAAHHHHH MY HEADS ON FIRE HELP! THE DOCTOR SAID I'M NOT SUPPOSED TO GET ASHES IN MY EYES! AAAHHHH!!"

Articuno ran outside and dived into the pool, freezing the water around him with his presence and effectively imprisoning him. "Help… mmme…"

The other legendaries looked at their fallen comrade. Then they shared a glance with each other.

"No."

Mewtwo closed the door with his psychic powers. He took a deep breath.

"Well…"

The door crashed open thunderously, as thunder thundered in the thundery background. Strangely enough, it was a beautiful day.

"Zapdos!"

"You're no fun…"

The weather returned to normal after a second, conveniently meaning that the messenger who came in had already left without the need of description. Mewtwo inspected the new game he had been given. They finally had something to do.

"Ooh, a new game! It better have me in it!"

"Excellent! One was getting rather bored." Entei had reclaimed his monocle somehow.

"Read it out, Mewtwo!"

"Mew mew mew!"

"Of course." Mewtwo cleared his throat. "The game's title is 'The Ultimate Crossover!' The back of the case is… crap, as usual for games today. 'Mysterious plot that we're not going to tell you about! Find out by buying the game LOL!'. Nintendo has very kindly given us a description though. How thoughtful."

Mewtwo quickly scanned the document. It was obvious to the other members (except Articuno, who was busy suffocating) that the news did not impress. Mewtwo's eyes had become wider and wider with each passing second, until his eyes concealed his face.

"…The description then." Mewtwo cleared his throat again, making unnecessary gargling noises that lasted well over a minute. A cement mixer would have given up halfway.

"Join the adventure of a lifetime! Help Mario find the Master Sword, so he can unlock the power of the Warp Star to travel to Pokeland to capture all thousand-odd Pokémon to help him battle the evil lord Ridley!"

Silence reigned.

It had a successor called silence.

Silence junior had a son called outrage.

"Preposterous!"

"Useless!"

"Crap!"

"BRILLIANT!"

They all looked at Zapdos, who had his chest puffed out again to at least 10 feet wide.

"I'm in this game! Therefore it's awesome!" he grinned.

Mewtwo squinted at the small print. "Every Pokémon except Zapdos is in this game."

Zapdos exploded in indignation. Started by the booming sound, the council began to chant.

"Crap pile, crap pile, crap pile!" They chanted. Mewtwo began to glow, and the pit opened to the depths of the Crap Pile. Flames licked the sides, the other neglected games gasped at the light.

Mewtwo levitated the new game over the pit. The chanting was now deafening, shaking the foundations. Zapdos was hysterical, jumping up and down and howling about how he wasn't in the game. Entei was shooting the place up, and the other fire Pokémon had set things alight, roaring the chant all the way.

Mew had fallen asleep. Mewtwo psychically kicked him/her.

"Crap Pile! Crap Pile!"

"Mew Mew! Mew Mew!"

Mewtwo dropped the game into the depths. It did not scream, but laughed, dark and evil.

"FOOOOOOOOOOLS!"

Metal rods shot out of the game case as it fell, jamming the pit open. The game laughed hysterically at the aghast council.

'GO, MY BROTHERS! FREEDOM IS OURS! AH HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!"

Every scorned game for every Nintendo console ever made leapt into action, pouring from the opening. They whooped and cheered in high-pitched voices as they embraced their freedom.

"Quick, you fools! Catch them!"

The council charged into battle, using all their popularity powers to combat the overwhelming crappyness of the games. The council chamber was wrecked instantly, chairs overturned and tables scorched.

Despite their best efforts, many of the games escaped, including 'The Ultimate Crossover', the leader game.

Mewtwo made a call to the emperor of Nintendo.

"Mario? Yes. It happened. Code Red." He disconnected.

"Mewtwo?"

"Yeah?"

"Do yourself a favour, and don't look at the pool."

"Why?"

"The games showed no mercy to Articuno."

All the Pokémon's eyes went wide. They bowed their heads to their fallen friend. Already there was a casualty of battle, and such a noble warrior, so vital to their ranks, loved by all…

Articuno walked in, beaming.

"Hey guys, I'm all right!"

"DAMMIT!"

* * *

**S: I hope you enjoyed this, I have studied a little bit from a renowned book 'How To Make Teh Funnyness In Several Excrutiatingly Hard Steps, Followed By A Leap Of Faith Off An Implausibly Large Cliff' by some guy in the bus station.**

**I wonder if it worked... ah well. Reviews are appreciated, and thanks for reading!**


	4. Chapter 4

**R: Hello it is me the mighty R! I wrote this chapter, and it's pretty long, so get comfortable.**

**S: You forgot to mention you took ages to write this...**

**R: Silence!**

**T: It is kinda true, it's been like a million years since a new chapter has been added... Anyway on with the story!**

* * *

Mewtwo was in his chamber, meditating. His mind was a glen of tranquillity. In his minds eye he was on a beach. The clear blue sky above, the cool breeze brushing lightly against his face, the waves lapping on the soft sandy floor.

He was currently practising his Tai chi within his mind. It was a good practise it kept him calm, it was his sanctuary, and it also maintained his powers at the high level they should be.

You could almost hear the stereotypical music as he slowly moved his hand around him in a strange pattern. He now began to tu-

CRACK

-rn around now ready to extend his other arm, ex-haling at the same time. Letting his worries leave his body.

CRACK

Now moving his other arm out whilst pulling back the opposite arm and inhaling, breathing in peace.

CRACK

Sliding out his foot and ex-haling banishing the thoughts of killing Zapdos, he welcomed in the silence, the waves and wind of tranquillity.

CRACK

He began to-

CRACK

No! Losing grip on the image of peace in his mind.

CRACK

CRACK

Damn it! Why now? Wait…inhale, welcome the peace-

CRACK

-in, exhale let out your worries-

CRACK

Mewtwo snapped back to reality. Rage flourished on his face. His fist's clenched. His eyes burning with righteous vengeance.

CRACK

Mewtwo was trying to keep the peace in, but failing letting out his rage.

"DAMN IT! ZAPDOS STOP FLYING AROUND OUTSIDE WHEN I'M MEDITATING!"

"Awww man! How do you always know I'm floating around?" replied a voice beyond the door. Mewtwo could imagine it grinning, despite Zapdos having a beak and no teeth.

"GRRR! BECAUSE YOUR-"

"Just too awesome?" interrupted Zapdos as he entered the room.

"NO! YOU COULDN'T SNEAK UP ON A CORPSE!"

"Alright calm down!"

"I was!" Mewtwo sighed.

"Well anyway we have some intel about a certain game!"

Mewtwo looked up in the hope that Zapdos would disappear. Or even that this 'intel' was actually intelligent.

"And would this game be 'The Ultimate Crossover' I pray tell?"

"No. But we're getting close with it!"

"So what game did you interrupt me for?" said Mewtwo as he'd finally calmed down.

"Square Enix have apparently made the 'Greatest RPG yet' and Emperor Mario wants it for himself, he has requested that _WE _do it!"

Mewtwo sighed and rubbed his head. The day had started nice but then…Zapdos. Mewtwo sighed again. He collected his thoughts and spoke.

"Is anyone left?"

"No but that doesn't matter! They might be on missions but I'm awesome! I am ZAPDOS!"

"And we couldn't possibly fail with you huh?" said Mewtwo sarcastically.

"Of course not!" Zapdos said while he puffed out his chest.

"Whatever we're too shortly understaffed and there's no way that just us two could break in to the 'Square Fortress'".

"But-"

Mewtwo sighed. This would go on forever if he didn't choose his words carefully.

"Yes but you're not 'awesome' _enough_…I think we need 'them'".

"Them?"

"Indeed." The room suddenly became darker.

It was around an hour later. Mewtwo and Zapdos were currently within the council chamber. Mewtwo in the middle seat as always, and Zapdos was sitting to the right of him chuffed in the fact he got to sit in someone else's seat.

In front of them stood three…for lack of a better word, 'people'. One of them was what appeared to be an anthropomorphic beaver drinking a cup of tea. He wore a dark brown to be almost black trench coat, the pockets full of unknown things. The figure next to him was a lot more impressive, at least 10 feet tall, he looked like some sort of a dragon with large wings, very sharp talons and impressive looking scales that looked just like armour. The third and final one looked like a normal human, he wore a pair of jeans and a dark brown jacket. He also seemed to have that anime feel, as if always ready for a fight.

"I'm glad you got here so fast! But down to business." Mewtwo said to break the silence. His fingers were in his evil villain pose, he leaned back in his seat.

"Indeed what is the task required of us?" replied the beaver, sipping his tea.

Zapdos' face was a one of shock he'd never seen another animal speak, even though he himself was a giant bird. Mewtwo leaned forward.

"We need _someone _to break into 'Square Enix' headquarters and claim 'The Greatest RPG ever' in the name of the Nintendo Empire!"

"No problem the place will be levelled in minutes!" spoke the 'Bahamut' look-a-like.

"No! I think we'll have to sneak in…MGS style!" suggested the human.

"Indeed," said the beaver while taking a sip of tea.

"Do you like to say indeed or something?"

"Indeed." Another sip.

"Erm, ok. What do we call you lot?" questioned Mewtwo.

"The Authors!" all three shouted whilst posing.

Mewtwo bowed his head for a moment. He couldn't believe he was actually doing this.

"Okay…well will you be able to complete the task set before you?"

"Ha! Easy it'll be fun more than anything!" spoke the human.

"Very well off you go!" hinted Mewtwo.

The three 'Authors' left the room and Mewtwo waited for the door to close. He was wondering whether he had made a wise decision.

_Too late now. Now what to do about 'The Ultimate Crossover'?_

"Ahhhh! I'm just TOO awesome!" said Zapdos.

Zapdos was grinning again now that the apparently scary beaver was gone.

"Whatever! Do we have any intel on the 'The Ultimate Crossover'?"

"Yes actually!"

"Oh?"

* * *

Outside of the Pokémon's hidden palace the three creatures stood talking to one another, arguing amongst themselves. Their voices were periodically interrupted by the sound of someone drinking tea.

"Oh come on _why_ can't I destroy the place?" The dragon was sulking.

"Because, we need to get the game _intact_!" replied the swordsman.

"It does somewhat defeat the point if it were for example…a pile of ash." mentioned the beaver, now onto his seventh cup of tea.

"Yeah alright but please let me level the place afterwards?!"

"Okay! Just don't destroy anything without our say-so okay?" said the human.

"I really hope we're getting paid a hell of a lot for this."

* * *

Mewtwo was on his mobile phone, talking with other members of the council. "How is the situation?"

"Well we've captured a few of the games, most notable were: 'Mario Kart Quadruple Dash' and 'Pokémon theft auto'!" reported Suicine.

"Yes yes! What about the ones that aren't captured?"

"Well some are very close to re-joining the 'crap pile' but unfortunately some have moved onto the 'advertising' stage."

"Right well continue with the lesser games. Me and Zapdos will deal with 'The Ultimate Crossover'!"

"Oh, and Mewtwo?"

"Yes?" Perhaps there was more vital information.

"Get a new phone, yours sucks."

Mewtwo cut the connection.

* * *

The Authors, as they were known, were currently driving down a desert highway in a dilapidated car. It belonged to the beaver, who had to wear blocks on his shoes to reach the pedals.

The beaver, called S, was happily driving the car, with his swordsman companion R in the passenger seat. The dragon, name of T, flew overhead stretching his wings to their full span. R was, as usual, complaining about the lack of air conditioning in the baking heat of the car.

"Can you like oh I don't know open a window?" R was quite hot.

"No. Only one works and that's mine! And I'm quite cool." replied S in an infuriatingly calm tone. He even closed his eyes for a moment to be extra annoying, causing several other drivers to curse all beavers who drive on the wrong side of the road.

"Come on it's _melting! _Literally the rubber on my shoes is dripping!"

"Don't make a mess in my car!"

"Grrr, fine I'll walk!" R grabbed the door handle, but however much he twisted it, the door would not open.

"That door doesn't work."

"Damn it! How long will it be before we get there?"

"Not long."

* * *

Mewtwo and Zapdos were now travelling to where the humans dwelled. Due to the fact that Pokémon haven't invented cars Mewtwo was holding onto Zapdos' back flying high above the mountains.

"Hmm I underestimated you! You are a good flyer!"

"Yeah well we are flying by the power of my greatness!"

"Yes well…have there been any rumours in the human cities about _it_?"

"Yeah a few, but show 'em a pic of me and they won't care!"

Mewtwo thought to himself, _Yes of course they won't care they'll be too busy gouging out their eyes with the closest blunt implement!_

"Yes of course your 'Brilliantly awesome physique' will end world hunger correct?"

"Yeah but I say that a lot!"

_Yes yes you do…far too often it's gone beyond a joke._

* * *

"Are we there yet?" asked R while sharpening his sword.

"No. Could you make another cup of tea?"

R turned in his seat, reaching for the convenient kettle. "Well the waters already boiled and I haven't even switched the kettle on yet. Where's your cup?"

S signalled where the cup was. Suddenly there were several explosions outside. Craters stretched all the way back along the motorway. Other cars were swerving around the road, and several members of the Pokemon Council raced by, engaged in a drive-by shooting with a group of Gamecube games that were somehow driving their car without any problems.

"DIE, SCUM OF THE EARTH!"

"WE GAMES SHALL RISE, VILE POPULARITY MONSTERS!"

Pistol shots were traded between the cars, and Articuno was on the roof with a howitzer.

Ignoring this, R looked on the back seat for the water bottle and noticed that there was something wrong with the water.

"Erm…there's a problem with your tea!"

"Oh and what's that then?" enquired S.

"The water's evaporated with the extreme heat which you seem to be _immune to_!"

"Oh? Ah well just have to wait a while."

* * *

Mewtwo and Zapdos were within visible range of the human cities. Mewtwo scanned the sights and minds ahead of him, concentrating looking for rumours any hint of the _game_.

He found one in the city of…Westopolis. It was full of eager young minds allowing anything to reach the markets.

"Over there!" pointed Mewtwo.

Zapdos nodded and changed his heading now toward the great city. He kept making aeroplane noises, screaming at the top of his lungs.

"Ugh! Just go there already!"

* * *

"Are we there yet?" said R panting heavily from the heat. If he weren't an anime character, he probably would have died by now.

"For the last time no! We are very close now though, just be patient."

"Alright fine…Hmmm…HEY, T!"

T drew up close to the car the gusts of his mighty wings cooling the car.

"What?"

"Awww man that's nice! Anyway scout ahead and come back if you see anyth-"

"Okay!"

T flew off ahead. R sighed and looked at S who shrugged his shoulders.

"Fine…T!"

T drew up close again. R welcoming the breeze and wiping off the sweat.

"Yo!"

"Remember no destroying anything unless WE say so!" R remembered how T liked to deliberately misinterpret things in order to blow something up.

"Damn! Fine I'll come back if I find anything!"

T flew off ahead leaving a trail of wind behind him, the final blast of his wings cooling the car for a moment. S was still happily driving the car and decided to ask his passenger something.

"R?"

"Hmm?" R replied while wiping off the sweat on his forehead, again, it came back instantly.

"How did T hear you through a closed window?"

"Erm…don't ask me!"

"And how did you get cooled by the breeze from him as well?"

"Just… shut up, ok?"

* * *

Mewtwo and Zapdos had landed in a secluded alleyway somewhere within Westopolis. Over flowing with rubbish and god-awful smells, and a nigh on lethal look. The city had never recovered from when SEGA had filmed 'Shadow the Hedgehog'.

"Okay Mewtwo this is your department! Where do we begin?" asked Zapdos.

"Shhh I'm scanning… there aren't any actual sightings yet but one of the humans thought of something called 'wikipedia' it's a website I believe."

"Soooo…erm we need a computer!"

"Indeed but where?"

"Well my awesomeness will get one for us!" Zapdos puffed out his chest.

_Damn! I walked into that one!_

"Indeed…I think…where is one then?"

"That computer shop over there!"

"Of course! Why didn't I see that coming?" Mewtwo said sarcastically.

"Well not _everyone _is as awesomely, fantastically brilliant as me!"

Mewtwo sighed as he walked out of the alleyway. Keeping himself and Zapdos hidden with his powerful mind. For a moment he considered 'un-cloaking' Zapdos and letting the humans deal with him.

_No! Bad idea. How would I get back?_

* * *

R was bored now he was just polishing his sword…or at least was trying to, the polish evaporated whenever he'd taken off the lid of the 'Shiny as your dad's bald head' can of polish. The heat was unbearable and the air-conditioning was non-existent.

"Well that's no fun! Hey S are we-"

"No we are not there yet! But we will be soon okay? Has the tea cooled yet?"

"Not yet and it never will in this car! Get a new one!"

S rolled his eyes and didn't bother replying. He continued concentrating on the road when he spotted T flying back toward the car.

"Oh hey look its T! Wonder if he found anything?" said R. His jacket was now a liquid, barely still on him.

T came alongside the car cooling it with the powerful draft needed to keep him air borne.

"Hey I found a big cube!" reported T.

"That will be the 'Square Fortress'. We are _very_ close." said S.

"Finally something to do!" R said while repositioning himself into a more comfortable arrangement. This was difficult, as almost everything was now in another stage of matter from the one it was before. The seats were bubbling, the tea had evaporated, but S was still completely and utterly fine.

Not a bead of sweat marked his fur, he seemed perfectly comfortable. Then he shivered.

"It's a bit cold in here, I think I'll turn the heating on…"

"AAAAAAHHHH!!"

* * *

Mewtwo had taken a laptop from the shop and left a note saying 'I o u 1 laptop - Mewtwo' in its place. He'd managed to set it up in less than 15 seconds and was currently looking for an Internet connection.

"Still not found one yet?" asked Zapdos.

"No perhaps…your 'brilliant fantasticalness' is blocking the signal!" said Mewtwo sarcastically.

"It wouldn't surprise me!"

_Damn! I'm getting stupid if I keep walking into those! I've been around him for too long…_

A symbol on the laptop flashed as it had found a connection. Mewtwo brought up the Internet and began to type furiously.

"Ah we have a connection! I'm just logging in now!"

"Ah good! You should see if there's anything about me on wiki!"

"Ugh! Not at the moment we need to find the ultimate crossover!"

"Awww fine I'll do it when we get back!"

* * *

"GET OUT OF THE ROAD YOU GODDAMNED LUNATIC!!"

R was gripping his seat extremely tightly. His face was white.

"DOES NOBODY KNOW HOW TO DRIVE ANYMORE? I SWEAR I'M GOING TO KILL THESE PEOPLE!!"

R finally managed to speak. "Maybe it would be better if you drove on YOUR SIDE OF THE ROAD!"

"Oh. Oops."

S moved back to the correct side of the road, to the relief of the many motorway drivers. Even though S's car was crap, just one tap from it was enough to send other cars flying into buildings, where they inevitably exploded.

S also had a powerful hatred for pedestrians, like all drivers. He had instructed T to destroy them all, which resulted in many craters in the wake of the small vehicle. The Pokemon Council were still locked in epic combat with the escaped games, and the sounds of gunfire and pokemon moves all added to the incredible scene of destruction.

"Get us out of here, you idiot!"

"Fine, then." S activated a hidden turbo by pouring a cup of tea directly into the engine. The car performed a 'Speed Break', and they were instantly at the headquarters.

While S was parking the car in the Square Fortress's car park, T was already further ahead waiting next to the footpath leading to the entrance. The guards weren't suspicious at all because he looked just like Bahamut. R was _dying _to get out into some fresh air.

"There we go told you 'patience is a virtue'!" said S.

"Yes well hurry up T's waiting for us! You know how impatient he gets waiting for us when he could be destroying something!" replied R.

S had finally parked the car, carefully put on the handbrake and the steering wheel lock. he then looked around, wondering if he should leave the car in gear to prevent it rolling down the hill should the handbrake fail. After careful deliberation, he then got out of the car.

R waited for S to open his door because it didn't work from the inside. S waddled slowly around to the other side, his flat tail slapping the floor, and opened the door. R stepped out letting the cool wind wash over him even though they were in the middle of the desert.

The 'Square Fortress' was just a huge shiny metal block. A sign that had at one point said 'Square Soft' now had the 'Soft' part scribbled over with a red pen, and 'Enix' had been written above it.

"You know I wouldn't complain as much if the car radio worked!"

"Well it's not my problem! Come on then _you _wanted to do something!"

"Fine then! HEY T! BREAK DOWN THE DOOR, WILL YOU?"

T smiled and flew toward the door. The unprepared defences were nothing to him as he completely demolished the entryway and left a Bahamut shaped hole in the wall. He laughed maniacally at the wrecked door.

"As quiet as possible! Damn too late, oh well! Just stop the guards from calling for back up and we'll be fine," said S.

"Heh! The fun's only just starting!" chuckled R. This would be easy.

* * *

Mewtwo was currently examining the 'Ultimate crossover's' wikipedia page.

'The Ultimate Crossover, currently in development by Sega…'

"Sega?" pondered Zapdos.

"Hmmm it seems they've found away out of their cage again!" replied Mewtwo.

Sega kept managing to escape. No one knew just how they got out of the Nintendo Empire but they'd managed to release several games, mostly an average game that you'd rent rather than buy. But no matter what it always fell to the Pokémon council to re-capture Sega and to update the security…Sega still kept getting out though.

'…Will be a multi-console launch…'

"It's worse than I thought!" said Mewtwo to no one in particular.

'…It features superior graphics and gameplay…'

"It doesn't sound too bad actually!" said Zapdos.

"NO! You're falling for its lies! Snap out of it!" exclaimed Mewtwo while grabbing Zapdos by the shoulders and shaking him violently.

"Oh no! Look at the release date!" pointed Zapdos.

* * *

The receptionist of the Square Fortress was in a state of shock as a very convincing Bahamut broke down the entrance that was designed to resist a nuke. He was even more surprised to see a human and a beaver walking through the dust. They were attempting to look mysterious, but it was spoiled by the beaver's trench coat dragging along the floor.

"H-h-hey you can't do that!" said the receptionist cowering behind his desk.

"Oh! Erm you might want to get out of here while you can you might get seriously injured! Or worse fired!" said R.

"I-I-I-I'm calling for back up!"

"Please don't! We don't want to hurt you!" said S.

R un-sheathed his sword slowly. He drew it over his head and slowly lowered it to the same height as the receptionist's head.

"Get out while you can huh? Oh and have you got some coca-cola?" said R.

But it was too late the receptionist had already ran out of the building screaming "A talking beaver!" R shrugged his shoulders and sheathed his sword.

"We'd better catch up to T!" suggested S.

"Good idea! Who knows what will happen if he's left to his own devices!"

* * *

Mewtwo's eyes widened at the sight of the release date. He was completely surprised. Sega had never managed to make a game that fast they must have had help.

"It's released in 5 days? How the…" said a surprised Mewtwo.

"They must have some of my awesomeness! That's the only way they could do such a thing!" boasted Zapdos.

Mewtwo groaned and began to think. _Who would work with them? We have the usual suspects under surveillance! It must be someone new…but whom?_

"Hey mind if I have a look?" asked Zapdos.

Mewtwo passed him the laptop without thinking he was too busy concentrating on the Sega mystery. There just had to be someone else involved.

"Hey look my wiki page! Just as knew I'm completely brilliant! Fantastic! Awesome! Ownage personified! I'm…"

But Zapdos' words fell on deaf ears Mewtwo was in an incredibly deep state of thought.

_Well It can't be them because…but it could be Atari's rising back into the gaming world…Nah! We had them assassinated. Just who the hell…_

"Well anyway I'll continue reading the ultimate crossover because _you're_ doing so much!" said Zapdos.

When he still had no reply he continued reading his wiki page, saying to himself that his brilliance didn't need Mewtwo who wasn't as brilliant.

'DING you have e-mail!'

"Oh, e-mail! Mewtwo snap out of it…Grrr…BOW BEFORE THE BRILLIANCE OF ME THE MIGHTY ZAPDOS!"

Mewtwo turned round with what would have been a raised eyebrow but he doesn't have any form of hair.

"What?"

"You got a message from Articuno and Moltres!"

"What does it say then?"

* * *

The Authors were walking along the giant halls of the Square Fortress. T had plenty of room to walk around in. R was walking peacefully with his eyes closed and a large smile on his face.

"See? Now this is what I call air-con!"

S decided to ignore this and continued on drinking his tea. He was looking around to find the correct lift to find the 'game testing area'.

The only problem was that this place was made like one of many rpg's that Square Enix have made and the different lifts would take them to completely different floors and never to the one you want.

"Erm…haven't we been here before? I could have sworn I went past that blast mark before!" said R. "What floor is this anyway?"

"It appears to be the 'Summons testing area'" said S. He made himself another cup of tea.

R suddenly looked nervous and swallowed heavily now looking around making sure that no one was ahead or behind.

"Heh…heh…erm I'll stay behind T! The last thing I want to mess with is an untamed Zodiark!" said R nervously.

"You've beaten one before when we worked for these guys!" replied T.

"Yeah I know and I don't want to do it again…well fight one that is I would want to actually beat one if it appeared again!"

Every one continued on walking. T was ahead with S next to him and further behind nervously trying to look in every direction at once was R.

But there were things hiding in the shadows that even R did not see. With a flourish they detached themselves from the ceiling, and fell flat on their faces silently.

* * *

A MSN IM window was currently on the screen of Mewtwo and Zapdos' laptop. It was a message from Articuno and Moltres although the actual message was from Moltres.

AnGrYsExYbIrD1005 says: Sup?

Mewtwothealmighty says: how r u doing with the escaped games?

AnGrYsExYbIrD1005 says: fne we mnged 2 gt mst o them bck! U?

Mewtwothealmighty says: WTF?! What r u saying?

AnGrYsExYbIrD1005 says: sorry! We r fine got most of the games back! How r u?

Mewtwothealmighty says: oh! We r looking for the ultimate crossover! Sega's escaped again!

AnGrYsExYbIrD1005 says: aww man rly? Dam thts gona tke ages to sort!

Mewtwothealmighty says: English please!

AnGrYsExYbIrD1005 says: damn that going to take ages to sort out!

Mewtwothealmighty says: indeed we need to meet up where r u?

AnGrYsExYbIrD1005 says: your not supposed to meet people over the Internet in person unless someone's with u!

Mewtwothealmighty says: we already know each other you fool! And Articuno is with u! meet us at Westopolis!

Mewtwo logged out of MSN and turned to Zapdos.

"You know some people are just idiots…" Mewtwo realised what he said when he saw Zapdos writing on the wall 'Zapdos rules ok!'.

"…just like you." Mewtwo continued.

"What?" replied Zapdos as he had finished writing on the wall.

"Oh nothing don't worry about it!" said Mewtwo with an evil smile on his face.

'Well great now we have to wait for dumb and dumber! Ah well more people the quicker we can do this…hopefully!' Mewtwo thought to himself.

He couldn't help still wondering who was working with SEGA. Which game company had a reputation for plot twists and unlikely alliances in their games?

* * *

**R: Well, erm, insert random message here! Oh and S did do a little bit nothing worth mentioning though!**

**S: Only a little bit?! I freaking rewrote this entire bloody thing!!**

**R: No you didn't!**

**S: I am so unappreciated... I wonder how everybody will take this chapter.**

**R: Why's that?**

**S: The whole thing was just an enormous self-insertion!**

**R: Oh yeah... I think in a humour setting it's marginally more acceptable though.**

**S: Hmm. I think I'm writing the next chapter anyway.**


	5. Chapter 5

**S: Hello, S here! I have written this, the next thrilling installment of the adventures of the Pokemon Council! **

**Please enjoy!**

* * *

The authors walked down the corridors of the Square Fortress, completely lost. The RPG layout of the building meant the lifts never took you to the right place and the corridors almost didn't match each other when they joined up. Most of them lead to random areas of the building and some were even dead ends.

"Kill, Sonic, with, laser, da da da da daa! And then I'll strut my evil stuff!"

T's eye was twitching ever so slightly. R was grating his teeth.

"How dare you try, to infiltrate my home, to steal my precious jewels!"

S was dancing through the corridor, quoting from some parody he saw on Newgrounds. He was alternating between the moonwalk and some ridiculous breakdancing, all the while singing at the top of his voice, randomly breaking out in insane giggling laughter.

T finally spoke. "Will you… shut up?"

There was silence for a moment while S grinned. Then he raised his arm slowly into the air and proclaimed his answer.

"Noooooooo!" This was in fact another quote.

"THAT DOES IT!" yelled T, and he charged up a Tera Flare straight at the beaver. The aforementioned beaver nimbly sidestepped with his caffeine-enhanced powers, and the two figures that had been stealthily following the trio for a while were reduced to ash.

Two Keyblades clinked onto the floor. R looked at the ashen wall that so recently was pristine. Two comical shadows were there in Egyptian poses.

There was now a hole in the wall as well. S went over to it.

"What's in there?"

"It's the Zodiark testing facility."

"What?!"

S cackled. "No, I'm kidding, it appears we found a secret shortcut."

T blinked, ruffling his wings. "That was convenient."

"What do you expect, this is self-insertion fanfiction." S glared at R for an unknown reason and then walked in, his trenchcoat dragging through the ash of Sora and Riku of Kingdom Hearts fame. T followed him and after a moment's hesitation, so did R.

Then R came back and jumped up and down on what remained of the two teenagers, grinding them into the dirt with the incredible power of his boots.

For no apparent reason he spat on them, and muttered, "Bastards," before joining his companions. As he approached them, S turned to him.

"Well it appears this lift will take us straight to the top floor. We'd better be ready for an epic boss fight."

"Why?"

"Save point right there." S jerked a thumb behind him. There was indeed a save point in the corner. For R it happened to be in the shape of the first demigod who ruled his world (don't ask) while for S it was a giant cup of hot tea. For T, it was merely an enormous pizza.

They hurriedly saved their game, and R spotted another door. This one had 'Female RPG Character Design' written on it. Before he knew it he was turning the door handle, mouth hanging slightly open with the things he was about to see.

"Where'd you go, R?"

"I'll… catch up. You guys go ahead… see you at the top."

Everybody knew what female RPG characters looked like. R did not leave for quite some time.

* * *

Mewtwo was still in deep thought when Moltres and Articuno arrived. They flapped down and sat beside him on the bench without a glance in his direction, instead choosing to look around the park through their MI5 sunglasses.

Mewtwo made no move other than to pull up his jacket collar, ostensibly against the cool air but really to hide his face. He was also wearing sunglasses.

Moltres picked up a random suitcase that was lying next to Articuno. The blue bird did the same to Moltres' suitcase. Looking round, they took off, leaving no trace of their presence other than a generic spy movie theme.

The theme awoke Mewtwo from his snoring, and he psychically grabbed the two birds and put them back on the bench.

Amid their protests, he spoke. "You have just attempted to steal my lunch." He turned to the other. "And you have just attempted to steal Zapdos."

Moltres took off his sunglasses and sneaked a peek into the suitcase. A quick cry of 'I'm the greatest-mmph!' rang across the park. Articuno started eating Mewtwo's sandwiches.

"Will you two be serious!"

"No problem, man! We managed our job, anyway!"

"What job?"

"We recaptured all the games we could find. We will need a new motorway though. And some more housing blocks on the west side of Pokeopolis. And another civilian population. And some…"

"That doesn't matter right now. The immediate threat has been eliminated. Do you two have any information on 'The Ultimate Crossover?'"

"We believe it may be here." Moltres reached into his feathers and pulled out a completely unsinged map. "They were all heading here. Some took the motorway, others went across the countryside and the desert, but they were all heading right there."

He jabbed at the location. Mewtwo cast his eye over it. Then he gasped, and stood up.

"Hey man, what are you-"

"Shut up Articuno! Do you have your phone?!"

The legendary gave the council leader his phone. Mewtwo quickly dialed a complex number with five different area codes. A female voice came on.

"There is no phone here, you idiot. Call somewhere else."

"Dammit!"

Moltres had jumped up, his eyes full of honourable battle. And slaughter. And explosions. And other stuff that can't be mentioned without pushing the rating up. "What is it sir?"

Mewtwo looked at his comrades. He had their full attention. Even the suitcase containing Zapdos appeared to be listening.

"I may have made a grave mistake. We have handed over to 'The Ultimate Crossover' the only link to the next world beyond the fourth wall. This could be a catastrophe of Zelda-like proportions!"

The underlings duly gasped. "Not Zelda!"

"Yes. We must head at once to the Square Fortress."

* * *

Unaware of the danger they were in, S contented himself with humming along to the elevator music while sipping some tea. T stood perfectly still, awaiting the moment when he could blow stuff up.

T burped. He patted his stomach. S turned to him.

"What's wrong?"

"Must be something I ate." The phone that Mewtwo had supplied them with had been a tasty snack.

S shrugged and poured himself another cup of tea, inserting the flask of the stuff back into a pocket far too small for it. The flask was engulfed completely.

"What do you have in those things?"

"Oh, just stuff."

"Hmm."

Then the door opened. The two heroes found themselves at the opening to an enormously clichéd throne room, shrouded in mandatory darkness with only the throne being lit. On the seat was…

"You!"

The Ultimate Crossover clapped its hands somehow. "Well done, author. I have been expecting you." It jumped from the throne and began to hover towards them. "Although… aren't there supposed to be three of you…?"

S and T didn't answer. The dragon had assumed a fighting stance, while the beaver had not moved.

The game seemed curious. "I can see the merits of a dragon avatar, but what are you supposed to be?"

S merely sipped his tea. "I'm a beaver. Anthropomorphic beaver, Sonic-style, to be exact."

"An OC? How unoriginal." The game fired a beam of pure unpopularity at S. T deflected it with a wave of his hand, and it hit the ceiling, dissolving it and allowing sunlight to poke through.

"Hmph. You shall not always be protected by your friends, beaver. But you are fools if you think you can stand against me."

"Aren't you supposed to tell us about your evil plans first?"

The game hesitated. "Oh yeah, I forgot there for a moment." It cleared its throat, prompting questions about its lack of anatomy with which to do so, and began regaling them with its master plan.

"I basically entered a false entry on Wikipedia about 'The Ultimate RPG' and circulated rumours, knowing Nintendo would want it, especially if it was being made by SEGA in cooperation with Square Enix. I knew they would hire you to retrieve it, and you possess the power to travel anywhere in time, space and the dimensions of the fourth wall. Once I defeat you, I can rule all universes with my incredible cheesiness, corniness and unpopularity forevermore."

There was silence. Then some more silence. Nobody moved for five minutes. S poured another cup of tea, seemingly immune to the awkward atmosphere.

"You're supposed to laugh evilly now."

"Oh? My apologies. MUHAHAHAHAHAHA!! FOOLS!! YOU SHALL NEVER ESCAPE ALIVE!! AH HAHAHAHAHA!!"

"You dastardly fiend! We shall stop your evil plans!"

"I'D LIKE TO SEE YOU TRY! AHHAHAHAHAHAHA!!"

And they leapt into battle.

* * *

Moltres was at the wheel of his flame red sports car, ignoring all of the lanes on the motorway as he sped down it at 200 bazillion miles an hour. Despite this, it would take crucial minutes to get to the Square Fortress. 'Speed Break' was a Sonic move, available only to SEGA characters.

"Faster!" Mewtwo screamed, slamming his foot down on Moltres'.

300 bazillion miles an hour was reached. Articuno was on his howitzer position, barely holding onto the gun as his eyelids were peeled back by the acceleration. His beak began to peel back in the manner of lips as well, comically exposing teeth he didn't have.

Zapdos was still in his suitcase where Mewtwo had put him after growing sick of him. No one knew where the rest of the Council were, but Mewtwo had phoned, texted and MSN'd anyone he could find to get them to the Square Fortress immediately, if not sooner.

They swerved around potholes in the road; they bounced over wrecked and burning cars and went out of their way to gun down any remaining pedestrians. Mewtwo looked at the horizon.

"I hope we're not too late…"

* * *

The Ultimate Crossover jumped backwards slightly as if there had just been a major boss battle.

"Argh! You're tougher than I thought! But you still have no chance!"

A purple aura formed about the game, turning into makeshift arms and legs. It held up its arm and summoned countless games that were consigned to the crap pile.

"Destroy the heathens!" spoke the ultimate in bad games.

"Kill them all!" they squeaked in their high-pitched voices. T launched a mega flare, disintegrating many games with squeals, before jumping into the fray and scything through the horde with his claws. S stood back, drinking a cup of tea.

A lone game ran up to him. It sneered. "What are you supposed to be?"

S gave it a withering look. Then he splashed tea in its eyes(?) and the game fell screaming to the floor. S carefully poured himself another cup. "Such a waste," he sighed.

A few floors below, R was waiting for the lift. He tapped his foot impatiently.

"Come on!"

The lift opened. Hundreds of rubbish games looked at the anime character. A sweatdrop went lazily down R's forehead.

"Uh oh…"

* * *

**S: Well, I hope you enjoyed it! By the way, I am actually quoting something at the beginning of this chapter. If you want to know what it is, just ask! (It's freaking hilarious!)**

**See you next time, and thanks for reading! I believe T is doing the next chapter.**


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